Movie Review: Leon: The Professional

Leon: The Professional has gotten some high marks from some of my blogging buddies and is another one of the films that has been sitting on my desk waiting to be watched. It came out on Netflix two weeks ago so I guess I didn’t need to buy it after all but alas, the sacrifices of a critic.

This isn’t the first time Luc Besson has been involved in a film I’ve reviewed here and it won’t be the last. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Besson is the best thing to come out of France in the last 50 years. He’s a straight shot most times but his targets do sway to the side of what I’d like them to be sometimes and that was the case with Leon: The Professional.

Leon (Jean Reno) is a simple man. He buys two quarts of milk each day, takes precious care of his plant and has few material possessions. In fact, I’d say his life is boring. However, Leon is an expert cleaner and by that I mean fixing messes, the messes best cleaned with bullets. He’s very orderly and professional but outside of work, we never see him do much. He goes to a theater and gets some fun out of a movie but aside from that, cleaning his plant and exercising in the morning, he doesn’t seem to have much of a lifestyle.

Leon is almost childlike in some respects. We never see him drink anything but milk over the course of this movie and while it’s probably for the sake of fitness, I want to believe there’s a deeper meaning there. Leon doesn’t know how to read, doesn’t own much and never has any money, instead letting his employer hold onto all of it and asking for it as he needs it. He continues to bounce between small apartments and hotel rooms, never owning a place of his own and he remains sheltered in terms of what life has to offer.

As I’ve seen plenty of times before, when Natalie Portman enters your life, things get a lot messier and Leon’s tale is no different. In her motion picture debut, Portman stars as 12-year-old Mathilda. Her whole family is murdered by a corrupt DEA agent while she’s out shopping and with as much composure as she can hold onto, walks past the corpses of her family to knock on Leon’s door and after a long mental argument the audience is not privy to, Leon finally lets her in.

Mathilda discovers Leon’s work rather easily and wants in. She wants to learn how to clean and Leon, who can’t find it in himself to throw her out of his life, comes around to the idea.

As the story progresses, Leon and Mathilda form a friend-to-friend, parent-child relationship. Leon gets protective and Mathilda begins to look at him as a role model, maybe even something more.

Leon has never had a real friend aside from the boss that continually employs him and has never had a relationship like the one he has with Mathilda. At times, he is unsure of what to do, something a professional assassin is not used to because assassins that don’t know what to do in crucial situations end up dead.

The character originality of Leon and Mathilda is worth applauding but holds little depth. It reminds me of a children’s book, like an older bear taking care of a stray rabbit. Leon’s quaint life was begging for more audience discovery, to really uncover what has made Leon click for all these years and what new sound he’s discovered with Mathilda but Mathilda’s vengeance escapade takes center stage. The need for revenge needed to be there but if the run time had been expanded, it could have been pushed to the wayside for a little so we could further unearth these one-of-a-kind characters. Leon’s simplicity is more complex than people will give it credit and Mathilda’s strength and desire to become a full-functioning weapon is admirable but she can’t hold it together and Leon is right when he says at the beginning of the movie, “I don’t think you’d be able to go through with it.” Portman can scream and stomp in front of the lens all she wants but it’s evident that Mathilda still has a heart. I was practically begging for Besson to change the character midway but again, his aim swayed to the side of my target.

Had Mathilda been a darker shade, suddenly the themes of childhood innocence, enabling and guilt are thrown onto the court. Leon and Mathilda would have still had the unique companionship we see here, only Leon would be helpless to clean Mathilda of the darkness growing inside of her. It was an angle I think could have worked.

Instead, Leon: The Professional remains a family appropriate film and takes a rain check on becoming a more impressive, long-lasting film.

I also must give another clap on the back to Gary Oldman. As corrupt DEA agent Norman Stansfield, Oldman’s civilized barbarism is gripping and that look in his eyes when he gives a stare at the camera is a “No one’s getting out of their chairs” type of look. One of my Hollywood truths: there’s no such thing as too much Gary Oldman and man, Besson’s work needed more Gary Oldman. The short shots are performed great by Oldman but really diminish the heights the character could have reached had he been given the chance to let the character’s lunacy unhinge from the wall.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog, I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.  

90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Avengers, The Babadook, Interstellar, Chappie)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Cable Guy, The Cabin in the Woods, Tears of the Sun, Edge of Tomorrow, The Amazing Spider-Man 2)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Enemy, Sleeping with the Enemy, Equilibrium, Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead, Snowpiercer)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Black Sheep, Twisted, Parker, House at the End of the Street, The Raven)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Mad Max: Fury Road, Blitz, The Punisher, Drive Hard, Run All Night)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Crank, Erased, I, Frankenstein, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30′s ironically define the 1930′s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (Centurion, Planet of the Apes, Stonados, Redemption, Pride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Colony, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, The Grey, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Outcast, Sabotage, Gallowwalkers, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, Safe)

My score for Leon: The Professional: 75.

With the majority of its action hidden, which is a rare sell from Besson, Leon: The Professional rests on the acting trio of Reno, Portman and Oldman. All perform well, Oldman the best of the bunch despite the limits put upon him but the relationship between Leon and Mathilda could have gone further. I know it could have and that coupled with unseen action, keeps it an average film. Rather than Besson’s usual action-obsessed animal, Leon: The Professional is a drama about how a man who could only find death finally found life.

Movie Review: Zoolander

Zoolander. According to my peers during high school, one of the best comedies of all-time. As I look at the trailer now, I see their point. Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell? Sounds like a blast.

The concept’s original, centering around the lives of male models and Zoolander’s accent is overexaggerated but still brings smirks. Stiller tries hard, you have to give him that. Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell though? Not on screen even close to enough. It’s a pity. This could’ve been so much more witty and grin-inducing than it is.

Like most comedies of the last decade and a half, plot is given little thought in the film’s production. The one-liners, timing and obnoxious character traits are the core. While Zoolander’s primary purpose is indirectly stated from the get-go based off the preposterous plot components, the quality of humor is far too dry for my liking.

Comedies frustrate me because they are oblivious to all of the other important emotions and segments of life, aside from an almost mandatory but always pitiful attempt to pull heart-strings in the intermediate stages. There is more to life than laughing and goofing off.

What about the everyday problems we constantly find ourselves drowning in?

What about the friends always taking something you say and reverberating that message to others out of context?

What about the coworkers making the same irresponsible decisions every day? These are things relatable to a lot of people. Why is no one doing routines centered around these things? I’m not a genius, don’t claim to be but am I the only one who would love to see Stiller/Wilson/Ferrell go to an everyday, blue-collar job and then go to a bar and talk about all the things wrong with their lives? I would love that, having them talk about all the things they’d like to say to their boss but don’t, about all the things they’d like to say to some of their naïve friends but don’t.

It wouldn’t be hard to write. You could interview people on the street about their lives, about things they would like to say but don’t and incorporate them in the script if you wanted to. It would be easy money and better entertainment.

The screenwriters for comedies these days are utter trash. They really are. It’s garbage material. You remember the trailer for Tammy? Who, in their right mind, would willingly go see that for any other reason aside from Melissa McCarthy? You could tell that was a flop from the get-go and I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I read reviews running it through a meat slicer. I’m sure it deserved every ounce of the criticism.

The comedic spectrum is one-note and uneducated. It’s unwavering flatness sickens me and is no doubt one of the underlying reasons why I don’t laugh much. Film and television are meant to enliven life and make us smile despite the chaos around us. Movies like Tammy, even to an extent films like Zoolander, make me facepalm and question what I’m doing with my life.

The comedies of today could be graphed on a timeline and doing so would not be the least bit difficult. They’re far too unorganized and blatantly stupid to be entertaining, unless blatant stupidity is what you’re looking for. If you’re fine with these things, then I guess you’re thrilled with Hollywood right now.

Name a comedy that’s significantly impacted you in the comments and I don’t mean the funniest one you’ve seen. I mean one you’ve watched that began a new outlook on life or at least a look at yourself in the mirror. Mine would be Click. Adam Sandler’s last big flick and in my opinion, his best, Click demonstrated the importance of family first and did so while changing genres in the middle of the film to a surprisingly effective and efficient effect.

Try to name another one. I can’t. I can’t think of another comedy that’s made an impact. That’s sad.

Comedies are not looking for that. They’re looking for light-hearted fun and I respect and understand that but when you don’t deliver on the light-hearted fun, you’ve got nothing. I’ve got no takeaways aside from the fact the film was a drag and did not need to be viewed and when you have million dollar budgets, big name production companies and comedy’s best actors, there is no excuse for that. None. You’re incompetent and need kicked off the red carpet. Also, I hate you for wasting hours of my life on a continual basis while I continue to trek around cinemas, film stores, and Netflix in the pursuit for a decent comedy. You have all the tools and materials to make another Click but you continue to settle for the next Tammy. In the words of one of my British friends, sod off.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog, I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.  

90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Gone Girl, Mulan, Guardians of the Galaxy, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Transformers: Age of Extinction)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Cabin in the Woods, Tears of the Sun, Edge of Tomorrow, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Young Guns)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too.(When the Game Stands Tall, Black Hawk Down, Red Dawn(2012), Maleficent, Rise of the Planet of the Apes)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (The Raven, Dead Snow, Rubber, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (The Expendables 3, Homefront, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Vantage Point, The Starving Games)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Billy Madison, A Haunted House, 300: Rise of an Empire, Cowboys and Aliens)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30′s ironically define the 1930′s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (Centurion, Planet of the Apes, Stonados, Redemption, Pride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Grey, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Thor: The Dark World, The Sum of All Fears)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Gallowwalkers, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, Safe, Watchmen, Clash of the Titans)

My score for Zoolander: 56.

Comedy needs the next big act to step up and redefine the genre like Adam Sandler of the 90’s and early 2000’s. Aside from a three-minute sequence between Stiller, Wilson and Taylor, this film fails to hit on an average level. Stiller and Wilson had sufficient chemistry but it dissolves in order to stay with the male-model-is-a-trained-killer plot no one cares about. Distracting and nonessential cameos add to an already short run-time and Ferrell’s left acting like a loony bin in his cumulative ten-minute stand-up.

Movie Review: Thor

After seeing the great atrocity that was Thor: The Dark World, I decided to view the first one, one that I believe I may have seen before but it’s been a very long time since I did so.

All the cast is the same, something I wasn’t looking that forward to aside from seeing Tom Hiddleston on-screen again. That guy really knows how to do the one-liners and I could see him taking on a couple of comedy roles in the future. Anyway, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is an arrogant, proud, war-addicted soldier, who decides to attack the Frost Giants on their home turf to impress his father and while he does kill a lot of them, he starts a war instead of impressing Odin. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) banishes Thor to Earth after stripping away his powers in the hopes that Thor will learn the virtues of humility, wisdom, or should I say WisTIM? Sorry, I just had to throw that in there. Anyway, he falls to Earth and is immediately hit by a car, driven by Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and the rest of her gang.

The dialogue comes across as cheesy and the action scenes had lots of room to improve. Every time anyone is looking for Thor, he’s probably behind a car, because it seems like he’s hit by a car every half hour. Also, Jane Foster doesn’t know how to drive.

I care about Thor, but not really anyone else. Everyone else comes across as insincere or stupid, neither of which I have an affinity or liking for. Thor’s character-change seems to be brought up too fast and he just doesn’t pull it off well enough for it to be convincing, not that the script gave him much room to do so in the first place.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Iron Man 3, World War Z, 42, Just Go With It, Real Steel)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (White House Down, Jobs, The Truman Show, The Hunger Games, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (The Usual Suspects, 21 Jump Street, Escape Plan, Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Along Came Polly, Aliens, Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Patriot Games, The Great Gatsby, Pitch Black, Alien)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3)

My score for Thor: 59.

This movie’s plot is of little interest to me as are most of its characters. Jane Foster is still annoying and the romance doesn’t feel real for me. This movie was made so that everyone knew who Thor was when The Avengers came out and that is the only reason.

*SPOILER ALERT* IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE SPOILED, STOP READING!!!

*SPOILER’S EDITION*

This movie has a few plot holes, but ones that I don’t care to waste my time talking about. However, there’s one in particular that is a must.

At the end of the movie, Thor breaks the rainbow bridge to stop the Frost Giants’ world from being destroyed and Odin awakes from his coma and is able to transport himself to the end of the bridge to catch Thor right as he and Loki are falling off. I’m sorry, perhaps I missed something, but how did Odin a) wake up at the precise moment that Thor and Loki fell off the rainbow bridge and b) manage to get all the way to the end of the bridge to catch Thor? He needed a horse to go through the portal to get to the Frost Giants’ planet, giving the illusion that he went across the rainbow bridge on horseback, meaning he cannot teleport or fly, or so it seems. Does he have that power and if he doesn’t then HOW THE HECK DID HE GET OVER THERE?!!!

Movie Review: Thor: The Dark World

The sequel to Thor hit theaters this month and while I’m not a fan of Thor, I thought I’d go see it for the heck of it and to let you guys know what I thought of it.

First, they give us some mandatory background information about the Aether,  a weapon that the dark elf Malekith intended to use to make the whole universe fall into darkness. However, Odin’s father, Bor, succeeded in capturing the Aether and storing it in a secret place where no one could find it. Unless you’re Natalie Portman of course, then you can happen to fall in every pitfall and dung heap on the planet, finding every not-of-this-earth thing, and nearly ending the world’s existence as well as billions of human lives, all for the sake of science.

In case you haven’t gotten the hint yet, I don’t like Jane Foster. She’s the most hopeless person yet Thor still cares for her and I’ll never know why, especially when he’s got Sif the warrior princess on his side, who has more smarts, virtues, and looks then Foster.

Foster manages to find the Aether after being sucked through a doorway by who knows what and this is after they find a floating tractor trailer in an abandoned warehouse and a portal that makes things disappear and reappear right above the portal only to disappear again and the cycle continues, except that sometimes it doesn’t work but no one knows why or will find out.

So starts a movie with some of the worst screenwriting in the history of cinema. If you want to talk about convenient circumstances in film, here’s a movie for you. You need more conflict? Here’s yet another useless subplot. There are so many conflicts that could have been avoided if our heroes would have just used their brains. You think it can’t get worse but it does.

The movie tries to give us some entertainment through Loki’s one-liners, but Tom Hiddleston can only do so much. Chris Hemsworth as well as Hiddleston are worthy of much better material then this and I have a hard time believing that they were happy with the final product. The supporting cast aside from Hiddleston is mediocre at best if not worse, although it’s not the actors. It’s the guys giving them their scripts.

I had no interest in finishing this movie it was so terrible. The action scenes aren’t even worth the wait. The third act is hard to follow and I’ll explain why in the spoiler’s edition. The filmmakers try to intertwine the story with earth’s fate except that it’s far too confusing to accomplish. The scientists try to explain the situation through complicated scientific jargon that no one who isn’t in that area of expertise can follow, which means that we miles be listening to babies trying to shout off the theory of relativity because that happening has the same chance of success as the audience understanding what the heck is going on.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Iron Man 3, World War Z, 42, Just Go With It, Real Steel)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (White House Down, Jobs, The Truman Show, The Hunger Games, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (The Usual Suspects, 21 Jump Street, Escape Plan, Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Total Recall, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, Along Came Polly, Aliens, Alien Resurrection)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Patriot Games, The Great Gatsby, Pitch Black, Alien)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3)

My score for Thor: The Dark World: 29.

There’s no character connection to speak of and it is subplot and plot hole galore up in here. Natalie Portman makes me want to throw up she’s so bad. I haven’t done that many facepalms during one movie in a long time.

*SPOILER ALERT* IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE SPOILED, STOP READING!!!

*SPOILER’S EDITION*

First, how the heck does Foster find that floating tractor trailer? How has no one besides those kids found that thing yet? What pulled her through that doorway and better still, how was it that the portal she happened to go through happened to put her right next to the Aether, the same place that Odin’s father, Bor, said no one would find it? Did a portal just happen to materialize right next to the thing and if so, how did that happen? Does the Aether have the power to create portals? How does she get transported back but have no recollection of what just happened? Did anyone else find that a little convenient?

The gatekeeper said that he could see 10 million souls and the instant that Foster is fused with the Aether, he says he can’t see her. This suggests that he has the eyes of a hawk, correct? Remember that, because I’m going to come back to that. I’m trying to do everything in chronological order. Thor picks her up and takes her back to Asgard and the nurses look her over and then Odin comes in, except that the nurses turn off the monitors that show there’s some red specimen in her right before he comes in. Don’t you think your king might want to take a look? Then someone touches her and gets shocked back. Why is it that Thor can touch her and nothing happens to him? Then Odin’s like, “What’s this?” You mean no one was told a bedtime story about this battle that happened hundreds of years ago that involved one of the most powerful forces known to man? No one wrote anything down? Malekith wakes up as soon as the Aether is moved. Does he have a physical connection to it? We have to assume that’s the case because he seems to know where it is at all times.

One of Malekith’s loyal companions volunteers to turn himself into a Kursed, an enhanced warrior, and joins the prisoners from the assault earlier in the movie without anyone noticing him so that he can cause havoc inside Asgard and destroy the shields which I’ll discuss soon. There’s like 20 prisoners maximum. You mean the Asgardian troops can’t remember the faces of 20 people and see that guy wasn’t one of them?

Malekith comes in an armada that has camouflage shields on and the guy with the eyes of a hawk doesn’t see them until they’re right in front of his face. I thought you could see 10 million souls, dude? You telling me if they have shields you can’t see diddly-squat? Then the artillery guys are already at their posts even though they weren’t warned about the army coming. Do those guys man their artillery guns every time there’s a prison break? Speaking of prison breaks, the loyal companion dude turns himself into a Kursed and breaks the prison shield in like three punches. How can their shields be that bad? If the cells are that easy to break out of, then why hasn’t Loki attempted an escape yet? Odin sends a couple guards to guard the shield generator even though Odin is the one with the power stick. Seconds after the shields are turned on, the Kursed knocks them out. If the shields are that important, why isn’t Odin there with the guards to protect it? What’s he doing during this whole invasion anyway? Better yet, why aren’t the shields on all the time?

After Thor’s attempt to destroy the Aether fails (by the way, was anyone surprised that it didn’t work? And Loki dying? Really? That’s never going to happen.), Thor and Foster happen to find the portal that goes back to the warehouse with the floating tractor trailer. Are you kidding me? That doesn’t happen!!! There’s a bunch of scenes with Kat Dennings, and while I love her, why is she in this movie? Better yet, why is any of Foster’s entourage in this? They’re not necessary to the story and it’s just distracting the audience from what we actually care about: Thor! Denning’s character is about to be killed by some of the dark elves, but the intern finds a floating car and slams it down on them. What?! He’s not Superman, what the heck? That’s so stupid! The whole fight scene between Thor and Malekith, they keep getting thrown into invisible portals and sent all over the universe. Thor keeps asking for his hammer, but the hammer keeps leaving earth to try to find Thor in an alternate dimension, then Thor’s back on earth so the hammer has to turn around and fly back and then Thor’s transported again and the cycle continues. The hammer doesn’t even know what the heck is going on! Why are there so many portals to alternate dimensions all over the place? I’m pretty sure this would never happen. Also, Thor manages to defeat Malekith, who has the power of the Aether, with MAN-MADE TECHNOLOGY!!! Are you kidding me?! One of the most powerful forces in the universe controlled by an Elf king and all you need is some scientific hardware to defeat him?! THAT’S SO STEWPID!!!!!!!!! Once they finally get the Aether, Thor’s friends are told to get it to a collector because “it’s dangerous to have two power stones together.” You just spent the whole movie getting this thing and now that you finally have it you’re going to give it to some collector guy instead of just putting it in a different place in your city or better yet, hiding it in a different place where random portals don’t appear out of thin air?! Then to end the movie, Loki actually didn’t die, although I think everyone knew this or should have known this. Loki shape shifted into the same soldier that he transformed into when he was joking with Thor on their way to encounter the elvin king that he shape shifts into when he goes to kill Odin. This movie is so stupid! These screenwriters should never be allowed to write again. And just for the sake of it, there were 34 question marks in the spoiler’s edition because this movie makes no sense.