Movie Review: Mr. & Mrs. Smith

It’s the film that formed one of Hollywood’s favorite couples.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith stars Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and it’s a film that starts off like few others. Jane and John are attending marriage counseling and viewers are given the perspective of the counselor. It’s weird and odd, but I’d be surprised if you’re not hitched. It’s amusing, entertaining and doesn’t detract from that direction moving forward.

As we learn more about Jane and John’s relationship, we can tell their fond of each other and there’s some genuine affection there but it also doesn’t seem like they know much about each other. Dinner’s at 7…every day. What fun is that? The goal’s to try to have dinner around the same time, but these two are incredibly punctual because they don’t have anything better to do. They’re not living life. It’s become too much of a routine and they’re getting bored with it.

These are all things you can gather from our two leads and sometimes they’re able to do all this with just facial expressions and body language. A simple glance between these two can mean a whole mini-conversation, the type of look that you’d expect to get from a friend like, “You did what?” These looks differ each time and yet still carry an exorbitant amount of expression and tone that differ from the last one. It takes two talented actors to be able to do something like that but Jolie and Pitt make it look so casual and natural, which only makes the allusion all the more convincing. It’s the type of depth you hope to find in your main characters and you’ll find it in Jane and John here. It’s important to note that Jolie and Pitt do all this without much dialogue, making their performances that much more impressive.

The dialogue is blunt and to the point. It offers a plate of witty humor here and there and that makes all the difference in the world because it brings a new tone and mood to the piece whenever it begins to get too serious and uptight. At the same time,  Mr. & Mrs. Smith doesn’t shy away from serious and more thought-provoking content because there’s a fair share of that to be had here. They find out the life they’ve been living is a lie but at the same time, you can tell there’s some abstract force binding them to each other.

There’s character development to be had as we get more and more immersed Jane and John. It feels like you’re watching a story, not a movie being played out on the big screen.

Then comes the action and let’s just say you get your bang for the buck in this one. You get a mash-up of explosions, shootouts and martial arts combat and while it can be unrealistic at times, it’s nothing to throw a fuss over because chances are you’re being served some of the witty banter that I mentioned earlier. It’s doing what The Avengers did so well, giving us laughs on top of a plate full of adrenaline-rushed action awesomeness.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, Captain America: The Winter Soldier)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, Young Guns)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next, The Starving Games)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire, A Haunted House)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for Mr. & Mrs. Smith: 94

A romantic-comedy posing as a film for action aficionados, Mr. & Mrs. Smith hits home on so many levels that I’d be surprised if you don’t like it. Ladies, take note: when guys talk about watching a rom-com, this is what they’re talking about, not this.

Looking for Nothing

If you’ve been following my blog for more than three weeks, you probably read my life post about the future.

In that post, I said:

“I’m going to be the man I wanna be.

And I’m going to be that man with those special to me

And all the strangers that walk by

On the off-chance that I make a difference in them aside from a sigh.”

Did I mean what I said? Yes. However, I admit that sometimes I’m not always at my best. I try to be, but sometimes I don’t. Some days aren’t so great and I just don’t feel like talking to people or the effort to do so seems like an additional thing that I’m not obligated to do.

Yesterday, at 1:30 am, I was bored, but not tired in the least bit. I’m usually in bed by then but I’ve been filled with energy the last few days and have been going to bed especially late while waking up just as early. My brother showed me a YouTuber about a month ago named dangmattsmith. He does comedy over chat roulette with random strangers. It looked like it could be fun although I admit I was a little uneasy about doing so. I’m a guarded individual who doesn’t jump out of his comfort zone to get to know people. Yesterday was the exception.

So I went to Omegle.com, the chat roulette site that dangmattsmith uses and gave it a shot. I mean, what else am I going to do at half past one?

The Omegle experiment went nowhere for the first half hour. Just a waste of time, people constantly skipping me and not interested in doing anything. I turned my camera towards my can pyramid that I have at school (what else is a poor college student going to build stuff with?), because I find it interesting and thought perhaps someone else would too.  

Apparently that was not the case. However, I was still bored and video games, television and reading have no allure to me at 2 in the morning so I just kept going on the off-chance that I ran into someone worth talking to. Eventually I ran into two girls that looked about 16 or so. They didn’t hit next right away, which gave me the chance to say hey and soon a conversation had begun.

I was looking at two teenage girls while they were looking at a pyramid of cans. Small talk continued until they asked to see me. I’m not the most attractive guy and don’t impress the ladies with my appearance so I hesitated to do so out of fear that I’d be skipped immediately and I was beginning to feel
inadequate after being skipped more times than I can count. I apprehensively moved the camera towards myself and got a positive reaction. To not be judged by your cover is nice. The conversation continued until the one girl went to bed and the other posed a question to me: “So, what’s your story?” I was taken back by this. I don’t share such things with strangers or better yet, people who I meet randomly online at two in the morning. Instead, we shared three true stories and one false and the other had to guess the false one, ala two truths and a lie slightly revamped. My stories were convincing and my lie unspoiled. Hers were not so lucky as I am a clever thinker and reader.

“Now what?” I asked myself. I was enjoying the conversation and would like it to continue as my pillow was still not calling my name. Rather than tell our true stories, my young friend thought of another creative idea: we guess each others. It was a fascinating premise and so I went along with it. My “personality dissection” of her was scarily accurate, down to some of the closest details, so close to the reality that I admit I impressed myself with all that I had learned about this person in a meager hour and a half. I was just amazed.

More thought-provoking conversation was had. We talked until five. That’s right, that’s not a typo. 5 in the morning. It was a conversation that I had never had before with someone I had not known a mere three and a half hours prior. She was smart far beyond her years, including using the word “usurped” in a sentence correctly, a word I thought she had misspelled when she had meant to say surprised (shows how much I know). She knew the world and how life worked incredibly well for her age at only 14 (younger than I had thought).

I was impressed but most of all I was thankful, thankful that I had randomly went onto Omegle expecting to waste a couple hours of my life and instead found someone who made those hours not just worthwhile, but life-altering.

In my opinion, there are few things more worthy of being treasured and cherished then when you went somewhere looking for nothing and ending up unveiling something incredible, like finding a pure pearl in a cracked oyster along the shore when you were just walking along the beach to waste time before you had to go to work. It shows that for once, someone or something was looking for you and further more, to them, you were a diamond that was worth digging for.

The feeling of being searched for, of being especially useful in someone else’s life, can be matched by few things. It lifts you up when you weren’t looking for a trampoline but a dry highway, and the air that rushed around you during that time you spent up in the air was a cool rush to a heated and stressed individual so that when you hit the ground, you’re running. You’re running fast. You’re searching for something again, with a whole new resolve and determination that you haven’t felt in a while. You’re smiling, more than usual and you don’t know why, but you just have this stupid grin on your face. You have this feeling in your stomach. It’s not love or the want of love. It’s not anger, fear, jealousy, or hatred. It’s happiness. Pure and unsoiled happiness. You don’t know how long that feeling is going to lie there, but I know I wish I could take it out of my stomach and look at it, admire it, draw a picture of it even though I’m artistically challenged and pin that scribble on my wall, so I can have a visual and physical model of what that feeling is.

I rip out a piece of paper and grab a pen, with no clue as to what I’m going to draw. I don’t stop to think. I just start drawing, scribbling all sorts of lines and shapes and thicks and thins. I shade in different depths of darkness and do my best to accent what I’m feeling into a picture. It only takes ten minutes so it’s not a masterpiece by any means. I look at what I’ve drawn for the first time and I’m shocked. The image that I’ve drawn, the symbol, the visual representation that I’ve drawn: is me.

I throw the picture down and run to the mirror. I look at myself, with the same shocked look on my face. I lift my hand up and close my jaw manually because the muscles don’t seem to be functioning. I look at every aspect of my being for one…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten seconds and then… something begins to change. My upper lip begins to lift and then the corners. I can’t control it. It’s as natural and automatic as my heartbeat. The change is complete and I study myself again. I’ve never seen this look before, not like this.

It’s that stupid grin again. It’s bright and voluminous and my teeth start popping out. My eyes start welling up a little with tears of joy. I’m just so happy, oh so happy.

We all wish we could be as happy as I am now all the time. I no longer wish that because I know if we felt like this all the time it wouldn’t be as special, heartfelt, inspirational or as liberating as it is.

So the next time you’re bored and looking for something to do, go on Omegle, or for a walk. Do something that gets you moving (a.k.a. not watching television or playing video games). You’ll be looking at the ground and pacing and you just, you just might, run into something special or have something special thrown upon you.

So…what’s your story?

 

Why Sports Are More Than Just a Game

I take sports very seriously. It might be my competitive edge, my love of competition, did I mention competition? It’s just fun. I gotta win, you know?

My friends and family ask me to calm down, tell me getting upset over it isn’t worth it. I know they mean well, that they’re only looking out for my well-being, but sometimes, that’s simply not the case, because sports are more than just a game.

Sports can break barriers before society fully embraces them, like the Brooklyn Dodgers and Jackie Robinson did with the color barrier long before the Civil Rights Movement, the same way sports are accepting gay athletes before gay rights are cemented as more than a concept.

They establish and develop community, helping cities with diverse populations come together on common ground.

When tragedies occur, people look for guidance, for hope, and for change. Sometimes it occurs in political action, relief efforts and public service. Other times, sports rise to the occasion.

On a day that will never be forgotten, September 11, 2001, the World Trade Center Towers were destroyed and over 3,000 Americans lost their lives. The following January, the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl. Is it a play on words? Yes, yes it is, but the effect was their, because we all could believe.

After the New England area was tortured by the Sandy Hook Massacre and Boston Marathon bombings, the Boston Red Sox went on to win the World Series after many expected them to be the cellar dwellers in the AL East.

Surely we can’t forget about the Japanese women’s soccer team that won the 2011 World Cup over the U.S. after a magnitude 9 earthquake and a tsunami tore through Japan, taking the lives of more than 18,000 and displacing hundreds of thousands from their homes.

Finally, and in my opinion, without question, the most momentous sporting event to ever occur in the history of sports, the Miracle on Ice lifted a nation. The economy in shambles and the U.S.S.R dominating the world in every facet, all hope in the future seemed lost and irrational for many American families.  That fateful 1980 Olympics showed the world and the U.S. that there is always hope. If you haven’t watched the film Miracle, you really should. I’ve posted a link to my review here. The final monologue of the film, given by Kurt Russell as Herb Brooks, reads: “…Young men willing to sacrifice so much of themselves, all for an unknown. A few years later, the U.S. began using professional athletes at the Games- ‘Dream Teams’. I always found that term ironic because now that we have Dream Teams, we seldom ever get to dream. But on one weekend, as America and the world watched, a group of remarkable young men gave the nation what it needed most- a chance, for one night, not only to dream, but a chance, once again, to believe.”

It’s a moment I wish I could go back and see, but I suppose a recording of the game will have to do.

Keep this in mind the next time you watch a sporting event. Some athletes only play for the paychecks, but many play for something greater, something bigger than they could ever be. And that, my friends, is worth watching.

Movie Review: Captain America: The Winter Soldier

If you read my review on Captain America: The First Avenger, you know that I’m not obsessed with Captain America. As I mentioned in that review, Captain America is just not a stellar, exceptional superhero. He’s a product of steroid testing and an indestructible shield. I appreciate his character and his moral compass though. It’s the type of integrity more people should have today.

New directors this time around in Anthony and Joe Russo give every component of the sequel a significant upgrade. To start off, the screenplay and plot.

Steve Rogers a.k.a. Captain America is still doing his thing, working for S.H.I.E.L.D. and stopping terrorist attacks and protecting the red, white, and blue. He’s working with Natasha Romanoff a.k.a. Black Widow, played by the beautiful Scarlett Johansson, and S.H.I.E.L.D. director Nick Fury is still on the scene, starring the gifted Samuel L. Jackson. During a mission to free hostages on a S.H.I.E.L.D. vessel, Rogers loses contact with Romanoff, only to find her downloading S.H.I.E.L.D. files from the computers on board. Ends up that saving the hostages wasn’t the only mission. Rogers is pretty ticked when he goes to talk to Fury afterwards and I can’t blame him. He’s Captain America. He’s served his country for a long time and he deserves some respect. A conversation ensues where Rogers and Fury take two different sides. Fury believes that the world is corrupt, full of deceit and muck, and because of that he doesn’t believe that freedom is any more than a concept anymore. Don’t get me wrong, Fury’s not the bad guy (or is he?) here or anything, but this conversation gives us some more character building for Rogers. Rogers takes the high road, the road that superheroes and everyday heroes are meant to take, the road that says that even if there are only a few good people in the world, doing the right thing for those few is worth it.

The high points of the 2011 film were the character development, especially when it involved Captain America, and the Russo brothers don’t lose a step with that here. The character expansion is great. Scarlett Johansson is fantastic as Black Widow and there’s an abundance of chemistry between her and Captain America actor Chris Evans. At points, I can seem them becoming a couple. No Hawkeye in this one, which I was a little surprised by. He wasn’t in the trailer but I thought they might throw him in as a surprise. However, all is well in the mind of Tim because we get Anthony Mackie as Sam Wilson a.k.a. The Falcon. He’s more a technological marvel then a superhero, but he’s still fun to watch and I hope he’s brought back in the next continuation. Samuel L. Jackson opens up the doors of Fury’s character and his charismatic self is alive and well on the screen. He plays a larger role in this then he’s gotten in past Marvel films which I was more than content with. Much of the film’s humor goes through him. The seasoned Robert Redford also makes an appearance on the big screen. He’s getting up there in the years but the talent is still there. I haven’t seen him in anything before, but I’m sure a film fanatic such as myself will be seeing more of him in the coming years. A notable performance from Sebastian Stan as The Winter Soldier works great opposite of Chris Evans.

Speaking of which, how about Chris Evans as Steve Rogers/Captain America? As in the previous one, Rogers’ soft-spoken and humble persona comes through loud and clear. Evans has really taken on the uniform of this character and has shown he’s truly a talent worth looking at if you’re about to make a big budget film. While watching Fantastic Four on tv about a month ago (because there was nothing else on), my roommate asked if I knew that Chris Evans played The Human Torch in the film. It never occurred to me. I’m very good when it comes to facial recognition, but it went unnoticed. The fact that it’s the same guy shocked me. Fantastic Four was a bad movie and I don’t know how a sequel was made. Chris Evans’ performance was forgettable, but he’s truly been reborn with Captain America. I’m really glad he was given another chance because he’s made Captain America an icon again.

The disappointing action scenes are nowhere to be found in this film. The Russo brothers probably read my review and thought they’d blow my mind with a visual spectacle that was on par with some of the best action scenes I’ve seen. The fight scenes on the boat in the opening are very well choreographed. You feel the pain being dished out and it’s pretty tender but oh, so tasty.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, Young Guns)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next, The Starving Games)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire, A Haunted House)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for Captain America: The Winter Soldier: 92.

Bolstered by a stellar cast and a new and improved directorial direction, Captain America: The Winter Soldier proves Captain America is a successful Marvel franchise where doubt may have lingered in the viewers of the first flick.

Movie Review: A Haunted House

The first time I watched two movies in one night for this blog it worked out well. I got to experience the dreaded Alien and the uber-awesome Sharknado. A second try at the two-movie night did not prove so successful, presenting me with the disappointing You’re Next and the horrid outhouse that is Open Grave. One worthwhile experience and one disastrous experience convinced me that perhaps a third try would be profitable for WordsofWisTIM if not me, although to the latter part’s benefit would be nice, too.

If you haven’t seen the trailer for A Haunted House 2, you must watch it right now. A link for those with a lack of initiative here. I was a laughing hyena watching it the first time. It’s just so funny. Since I plan to see the sequel (Because how can I avoid a trailer like that, right?) I felt a watching of the original was probably a good idea. The trailer for that isn’t bad either. Anyway, Marlon Wayans and director Michael Tiddes decided to collaborate to make a comedy making fun of horror movies. I’ve watched some of the Scary Movies, which I’ll eventually write reviews on, as well as Vampires Suck and all were fun-filled. Therefore, I didn’t think it was unfair to want a similar experience from this viewing.

Character development once again is low on the priority list here although there is some as opposed to none in The Starving Games. Marlon Wayans stars as Malcolm Johnson, a guy who’s having his girlfriend move in and decides he wants to film their lives together. How thoughtful and convenient for us, right?

I wasn’t really a fan of the film visually. Having the actors hold the camera instead of having an actual cameraman may be good for the budget but not for me. Perhaps it’s because I’m not used to the formatting and angles associated with the style but it just didn’t fly with me.

This film falters where The Starving Games falters: It’s mimicking the same plot line of another film. Perhaps I was misled or uninformed when I bought this, but I did not know this was a parody of Paranormal Activity. I’ve never seen it, nor do I plan to, because it’s not my cup of tea, or rather, can of tea. Big Brisk fan over here.

I’m not a horror movie fan to begin with and a movie that appears to be almost as boring as A Haunted House doesn’t really spice me up for the potential viewing of the film either. A Haunted House is so boring that my brother wanted to turn it off and if I hadn’t planned to write a review on it beforehand, I probably would have let him.

Literally every humorous part in this movie deals with some type of sexually explicit content or the hint of such activities. A large amount of sex jokes can be found in this film. Did I mention sex jokes? By the way, how about those sex jokes? Hey, surprise! Sex jokes!

Gets pretty annoying and monotonous, doesn’t it? Probably got a smirk out of you guys on the first two or three, but by the last reference you wanted to throw me a right hook, right? Yeah, so did my brother and I. This movie doesn’t know how to make a joke to save its life. The interim period between jokes is far too long and leaves the audience wondering if the film is switching genres or just giving up on itself. My brother nor I gave a crap about this film aside from a very few segments that were at least a little funny. It’s not even dumb funny. It’s just dumb and no one is having fun here except the actors.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, Young Guns)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next, The Starving Games)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Pitch Black, Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for A Haunted House: 40.

If you want to remind yourself of what happened in A Haunted House before seeing the sequel, watch the trailer for it because almost all of the fun that was to be had in the film was in the trailer. The filmmakers gave all the good parts away before the film even came out, leaving viewers who were dumb enough to see it drowning in disappointment and despair.

Movie Review: The Starving Games

I haven’t seen a lot of them but the parody movies I have seen I have enjoyed. When my brother and I were walking through time, space, and Walmart yesterday for what seemed like years, going through the $5 movie bin and every shelf in the store, we found The Starving Games. Finding it along with a thumbs-up recommendation from one of his friends at school was enough reason to buy it and give it a shot.

The Starving Games is a Hunger Games parody if you haven’t figured that out yet starring Maiara Walsh as Kantmiss Evershot, our front and center heroine. This isn’t a movie looking for character development or any semblance of a normal movie. It’s just looking to make us laugh and have fun at how stupid what we’re watching really is. Case and point: This movie is pretty stupid. Some jokes are used far too much but I will admit I still was chuckling over some of them, not necessarily because of how funny it is, but because it’s just so dumb. There’s plenty of references to the top movies and music from the year that you can get a little bit of a grin at, including a short Avengers skit that was one of my favorites of the film.

The thing that slows this movie down and restrains the reigns of progress is that the film is progressing along with The Hunger Games plot. I know it’s a parody film so that is to be expected, but I don’t think making up a few more scenes that didn’t happen in the original would have hurt the final product. There’s plenty of room for improvement here, including a lack of potent one-liners that actually make the audience respond with some type of emotion rather than drool and the scratching of the scalp.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, Young Guns)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Aliens, Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Pitch Black, Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for The Starving Games: 50.

All in all, The Starving Games fails to be all that memorable for those parody film fanatics out there and is one that will most likely be forgotten in a few years, but does contain enough material that provides smirks and grimaces that it is at least decent although barely so. I would suggest you wait for the price to drop from $13 though because it’s not worth it.

Movie Review: Young Guns

I don’t consider myself a western fanatic when it comes to the film genre, but I’ll admit if a story is presented well enough that I’m bound to get intrigued one way or another. So I present to you, Young Guns.

A 1988 film starring Emilio Estevez, brother Charlie Sheen and Kiefer Sutherland is what I found on television a few years ago. It stars a cast of people before they became the real deal, so I was interested to see how they performed. Estevez fell off the face of the Earth or something after The Mighty Ducks franchise so I wanted to see his role most of all.

It’s a film that isn’t too hard to follow but isn’t boring either. The film starts off with William H. Bonney (Estevez) escaping from some people who are looking forward to a hanging. Bonney is bailed out by cattle rancher John Tunstall (Terence Stamp), who is known for taking young men in trouble with the law and getting them back on their feet. In return, they make sure none of his property is stolen. It’s an admirable task to take on for a character and Stamp does a concrete job to back it up. However, life can’t be perfect. We’ve got Lawrence Murphy dealing with corrupt politicians to help him own the town, make tons of money, and force out all of his competitors, Tunstall being one of them.

The infamous Billy the Kid gets the recognition he deserves from Estevez, who’s having perhaps too much fun with this role. He’s making it look simply too easy, acting like a guy who doesn’t seem to have a care in the world and loves living life the way he’s living it: reckless and dangerous. He’s taking the law into his own hands here, taking the path of cool, hard vengeance rather than civil legality. Is it the right path to take? Who cares! It’s fun to watch, entertaining, and at times, spontaneous. You never know what to expect from Billy the Kid, but you know it’s going to be something witty and probably contain some sort of dark humor.

Kiefer Sutherland is the intellectual of the group, rightfully earning the nickname Doc. He’s a hopeless romantic and I sympathize with the guy because at times I feel like one myself. He’s reasonable, rational, and pretty much the opposite of Billy. The only reason he stays with him is because Billy’s good with the steel, which is very beneficial in their current predicament.

What really separates Young Guns from other films of the genre is its pacing, which is quickened and action-filled by director Christopher Cain. It’s lively and no one is safe from death, not even Billy the Kid although you would think that’s the case.

There’s a lot of killing, dying, chewing, riding horses, and twangy accents. It’s never lackluster for me despite the repetition though because it’s not so repetitious that it’s just dumb.

We’ve also got a supporting cast with Lou Diamond Phillips as Chavez the Navajo, the last of his people and he’s got a vendetta to pursue against Murphy and his gang. Casey Siemaszko plays Charlie, the one who displays some anxiety and fear and just wants out, even if he has to create some bullet holes to do so. We also got Dermot Mulroney as “Dirty” Steve Stephens, who’s just a downright hick. He’s got a dip in his mouth like the whole movie.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Lego Movie, Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Aliens, Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Pitch Black, Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for Young Guns: 83.

When the bloody sun sets, there will be a lot of dead bodies, a lot of witty lines delivered, and a lot of empty shells on the set of Young Guns, but chances are you’ll come out of the viewing unscathed but still entertained enough to want to see it again and then some.

The Greatest Sports City in the World

What is the greatest sports team? It’s a question that has plagued the minds of sports enthusiasts such as myself since professional sports became a thing. It’s a question that will never have a definitive answer. However, there is a consolation prize to another question: What is the greatest sports city in the world? Thanks to ESPN The Magazine, fans have been gifted with statistics over the last ten years that have allowed ESPN to rank every NFL, MLB, NHL, and NBA team. Founded on a combination of surveys and statistics, ESPN The Magazine is able to calculate what fans want from their sports teams. The formula they develop also differentiates fans’ needs by percentages. For example, fans rated fan relations as the most important element to a sports franchise while ranking coaching and title track at the bottom of the list. Therefore, fan relations composes 25.2 percent of a franchise’s ultimate ranking score. The total formula is listed below, all of which you can find, along with total franchise ranking breakdowns, here:

Fan relations: 25.2 percent; Courtesy of players, coaches and front offices toward fans and how well a team uses technology to reach them.

Affordability: 17.4 percent; Price of tickets, parking and concessions.

Bang for the buck: 16.8 percent; This information is developed with researchers at the University of Oregon’s Warsaw Sports Marketing Center to figure out how efficiently teams convert revenues from fans into team performance including postseason victories.

Stadium experience: 12.4 percent; Quality of venue, fan-friendliness of environment, frequency of game-day promotions.

Players: 11.3 percent; Effort on the field, likability off it.

Ownership: 10.2 percent; Honesty and loyalty to core players and to the community.

Title track: 3.6 percent; Championships won or expected within the lifetime of current fans.

Coaching: 3.1 percent; Strength of on-field leadership.

Now if you clicked on the link, you’ll see which teams were ranked high and which teams weren’t. What you won’t see is which cities have the best sports teams. However, with some basic arithmetic you can find out. Write down all the cities in the country that have at least three major sports teams. If they have more than three, write those down, too. Take the three best franchises that each team has, add the three rankings and divide by three, which will give you an average ranking of a team from that city. The city with the lowest average has the best franchises.

The results may surprise you. You’d think the cities with more teams would have an advantage because after all, that means they only have to pick the best three, which cancels out any mediocre teams they may and probably do have. However, that’s not the case.

It’s not Miami, who actually has the worst at an average ranking of 80.6 despite the Heat’s 25th ranking. It’s not New York, Los Angeles, Chicago or Detroit. The greatest sports city in the world in 2013: Pittsburgh. Below are the stats to prove it.

1. Pittsburgh: Penguins (7), Steelers (31), Pirates (52)     Average: 30
2. Tampa Bay: Rays (17), Lightning (30), Bucs (65)     Average: 37.3
3. Chicago: Blackhawks (14), Bulls (42), White Sox (62)     Average: 39.3
4. Detroit: Red Wings (13), Tigers (22), Pistons (84)     Average: 39.6
5. St. Louis: Cardinals (12), Blues (26), Rams (85)     Average: 41
6. Los Angeles: Kings (24), Angels (51), Clippers (55)     Average: 43.3
7. Denver/CO: Broncos (15), Nuggets (43), Rockies (73)     Average: 43.6
8. Atlanta: Falcons (20), Braves (23), Hawks (89)     Average: 44
9. Boston: Patriots (39), Celtics (45), Bruins (48)     Average: 44
10. Arizona: Diamondbacks (6), Coyotes (47), Cardinals (81)     Average: 44.6
11. Minnesota: Wild (50), Twins (58), Vikings (69)     Average: 59
12. Washington: Nationals (49), Capitals (68), Redskins (86)     Average: 67.6
13. Dallas: Mavericks (29), Stars (70), Cowboys (107)     Average: 68.6
14. Oakland: Warriors (32), Athletics (61), Raiders (116)     Average: 69.6
15. Cleveland: Indians (44), Cavaliers (60), Browns (109)     Average: 71
16. Philadelphia: Phillies( 59), Flyers (67), 76ers (94)     Average: 73.3
17. New York: Giants (66), Rangers (76), Islanders (78)     Average: 73.3
18. Miami: Heat (25), Dolphins (97), Marlins (120)     Average: 80.6

The stats back it up. Now is this a fool-proof system? No, it’s not, but it’s the closest we’re going to get to a concrete answer.

The Penguins were ranked as the best team in hockey, ranking second in fan relations and if you know anything about the Penguins, it’s that they know how to interact with the fans. The Pens were awarded fourth in ownership and stadium experience, which can both be accredited to Le Magnifique himself, Mario Lemieux, who bought the Penguins and the Wilkes-Barre Penguins out of bankruptcy in 1999. He was also instrumental in keeping the team in Pittsburgh and in negotiating the construction of the Consol Energy Center in 2007. The Consol Energy Center earned the Penguins a fourth place finish in stadium experience as well, showing that the new accommodations truly are a sight to see. The Pens were also ranked eleventh in players and tenth in title track, meaning the sights are set high for the Pens for the next couple of seasons.

The Pittsburgh Steelers, also known as the Sixburgh Steelers, were ranked eighth in ownership. The Rooney family is known for its high moral standing when it comes to signing players who demonstrate the highest ethical issues and those who fail to meet that standard are usually let go no matter what accomplishments that may make on the field. For example, Santonio Holmes won Super Bowl XLIII MVP, with some arguing he won the Super Bowl for the Steelers single-handedly. When Holmes was caught selling marijuana a second time, the Steelers traded him for a fifth-round pick to the New York Jets. The Rooney family is not all about the money as are plenty of franchise owners (looking at you Toronto Maple Leafs and Sacramento Kings owners). They want to win, but they also want to put appropriate role models on the field that people can look up to, something that, even if you’re not a Steelers fan, you have to admire. The Steelers were ranked fifth in title track because they are Sixburgh after all and the ninth-best football franchise.

Finally, we have the Pittsburgh Pirates, a team that went through one of the darkest periods of pro sports history when they had an MLB record 20 consecutive losing seasons. The epitome of losing could be found in Three Rivers Stadium for most of my childhood, which I think is why I’m not a Pirates fan or a baseball fan for that matter. It was one of the most miserable spectacles of sports performance ever witnessed that how the team did not go bankrupt or leave town I have no indication. However, the Pittsburgh Pirates have finally gotten their ownership and managing on the same page, a group of people who actually understand how to make a team, and have made the Pittsburgh Pirates into a contender again. The team ranked ninth in bang for the buck, tenth in stadium experience, and 18th in affordability. They were also ranked the 14th best baseball franchise.

Since the Super Bowl era began in 1967, only four times has a city had two of its three major sports franchises win a championship in the same year, the 1969 New York Jets and Mets and the 2004 New England Patriots and Boston Red Sox being two of them. The other two? The 1979 Steelers and Pirates and the 2009 Steelers and Penguins. Pittsburgh is the only city to win multiple championships the same year twice and there’s a very simple explanation to why this is the case. We’re Sixburgh. We’re the best. We are the City of Champions and until you do it twice, you can’t take that away from us.

 

Movie Review: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

I remember walking in a theater this past summer and seeing that there was going to be a sequel. With the exorbitant amount of sequels we seem to have these days, I will admit that I wrote it off as another sequel that was probably a total waste of time. I was wrong. Sorry guys. I’m human.

Speaking of humans, we’ve got a couple of them in this film but before I go on about them I’d like to talk about Flint Lockwood, our “hero” for the lack of a more fitting term. In the first movie, he was at worst bearable. Here he’s so dumb, so easily manipulated, and so short-sighted that it’s simply preposterous to think I as a viewer could sympathize with the guy. He makes so many mistakes, and they’re not even hard choices. They’re mistakes that could be easily avoided if he were to just access the common sense department that probably holds an office somewhere in his gigantic head. Maybe he had to get rid of it because of budget cuts, I don’t know. I’ve seen my fair share of films that rely on a mediocre main character and most times if I don’t like the main character I don’t like the movie.

Not the case here. Rather than rely on its main character, this movie leans on a solid supporting cast with all of our friends from the first. Some get more screen time than others. Here I must mention I was slightly disappointed the father, Tim, didn’t get much because I enjoyed his laid back, passive persona. However, we have Sam Sparks, the big GF, (that’s girlfriend for you newbs) who’s showing some depth and plenty more smarts than Lockwood. Did I mention my distaste for the guy?

The animation is once again very well done and the creatures are creative and oh so adorable. It’s very easy to see them as pets so it’s not hard to see where the characters are coming from. It’s quite a blast to watch visually and the environment sets up tons and tons more puns if you didn’t feel you got enough in the first one. I felt the puns were more enjoyable in this one whereas they came across as corny in the first sometimes.

I discussed how I didn’t feel the first one targeted my demographic in my last review. I don’t believe it’s doing so here either but the film does a much better job catering to the more mature audiences. We have some basic life lessons, lessons you would expect to get in an animated film, but they’re ones that can get more seasoned people like myself pondering. If we’re thinking, we’re usually satisfied. I was.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Other Guys, The Lego Movie, Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Aliens, Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Pitch Black, Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2: 80.

There’s still plenty of spontaneity and childlike quality to be found in Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, but the catering to an adult audience is easy to see and greatly appreciated. It’s adorable and engaging and who knows, you might even find yourself yelling at the screen occasionally out of enjoyment or extreme rage. I did.

*SPOILER ALERT* IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE SPOILED, STOP READING!!!

*SPOILER’S EDITION*

Does Chester V, our main baddie, remind anyone else of Steve Jobs? I mean, this is a Sony produced film, someone who competed with Jobs for sales for many years so I don’t think I’d put it past them to try to mimic the guy on the big screen. I don’t blame them either. The guy was a jerk but that’s another story, one that you can find here. Also, was I the only one who saw Chester V was a manipulative mastermind? It’s very predictable but the guy’s big-business, couldn’t-care-less-about-anything-else personality outfit is so conniving and convincing that I can’t be mad about how predictable it is. I hate people who behave in such a way so my outright disgust for the man cannot be verbalized civilly. It takes good screenwriting to get my emotions to come out so good job screenwriters. Much improved from the original.

Now to Lockwood. He’s doubting his ability all the time! Get a backbone and a therapist or something, man. Like does anyone remember this commercial? Click on the link so you understand what I’m talking about. CLICK ON IT!!!

But seriously, Lockwood is the guy in that chair and that angry drill sergeant, well, that’s me. This guy is so helpless and so wanting of sympathetic attention that my initial feeling for him is the opposite: it is one of tough love, get back on the horse, etc. I don’t think the guy makes one good decision in this entire film without the help of his friends either. Very irritating for me.

During his brawl with Chester V over the BSUSB chip, it flies in the air and somehow lands perfectly in the keyslot. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???!!! It’s not the end of the world, it’s an animated film, I know, I know, I know but REALLY? Why couldn’t we get someone to say, “Well, that’s baloney”, followed by a giant slice of baloney jumping in out of nowhere. It would have been punny for crying out loud. Let’s go people!

Movie Review: Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

A friend of mine loves Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Therefore, a review of the film!

Flint Lockwood is our main character, so at least we’re getting some name originality right off the bat, am I right? Lockwood’s a wannabe-scientist who’s creative and enthusiastic about his talents and is trying to get the right mixture of those two things in order to make the most life-changing invention yet. Up to this point in his life though, there have been no successes, only failure, but Lockwood’s a determined guy and he’s not going to give up so easily. His father, Tim (not me), runs a bait and tackle shop and wants his son to join the family business even if it’s clearly apparent that isn’t where he belongs. Lockwood’s a misunderstood guy as are many of the characters in the films that I have reviewed up to this point, so the character development has to be genuine and sincere enough yet also inventive enough (get it, cause he’s an inventor?) that I don’t feel like I’m watching the same character for the umpteenth time. It’s also an animated film, only putting more pressure on the screenwriters to put on the figurative cap of ingenuity and write something unique.

Sadly, they fail to do so in my opinion. It’s not that Lockwood is a poorly written character, just a character that has been used in a couple too many Disney, Pixar, and Sony films to be considered life-altering in its innovativeness. The same thing goes for all of the characters here to be honest. Sam Sparks’ I’m-successful-but-not-who-I-am persona is all too familiar and her cameraman Manny reminds me too much of Luigi and Guido from Cars. Despite Mr. T voicing the policeman Earl Devereaux, it’s still far too cliched. The only character I feel has some true originality is of course myself, Tim the father. All jokes aside, James Caan does some great voice acting here and shapes some true chemistry.

The story itself is well-written and humorous enough to entertain and keep audiences interested. We’ve got comedic lines from all the characters including a ton of well-received puns. So punny.

The animation is very well done and the romance between Lockwood and Sam is cute.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible II, Mission Impossible III, Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Other Guys, The Lego Movie, Non-Stop, Divergent, Spider-Man 3)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Escape Plan, Captain America: The First Avenger, Dawn of the Dead, Flyboys, 300)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific Rim, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Aliens, Alien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket, Thor, You’re Next)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Pitch Black, Alien, Serendipity, Cowboys and Aliens, 300: Rise of an Empire)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The Contract, Pride and Prejudice, Redemption)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All Fears, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight Cowboy, Dark Fury, Alien 3, Open Grave)

My score for Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs: 73.

The spontaneity, overuse of the same jokes, and visual spectacle that is Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is sure to entertain some audiences, but I don’t think this film was aimed at my demographic.