Movie Review: Thor

After seeing the great atrocity that was Thor: The Dark World, I decided to view the first one, one that I believe I may have seen before but it’s been a very long time since I did so.

All the cast is the same, something I wasn’t looking that forward to aside from seeing Tom Hiddleston on-screen again. That guy really knows how to do the one-liners and I could see him taking on a couple of comedy roles in the future. Anyway, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is an arrogant, proud, war-addicted soldier, who decides to attack the Frost Giants on their home turf to impress his father and while he does kill a lot of them, he starts a war instead of impressing Odin. Odin (Anthony Hopkins) banishes Thor to Earth after stripping away his powers in the hopes that Thor will learn the virtues of humility, wisdom, or should I say WisTIM? Sorry, I just had to throw that in there. Anyway, he falls to Earth and is immediately hit by a car, driven by Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and the rest of her gang.

The dialogue comes across as cheesy and the action scenes had lots of room to improve. Every time anyone is looking for Thor, he’s probably behind a car, because it seems like he’s hit by a car every half hour. Also, Jane Foster doesn’t know how to drive. I care about Thor, but not really anyone else. Everyone else comes across as insincere or stupid, neither of which I have an affinity or liking for. Thor’s character-change seems to be brought up too fast and he just doesn’t pull it off well enough for it to be convincing, not that the script gave him much room to do so in the first place.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Iron Man 3World War Z42Just Go With ItReal Steel)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (White House DownJobsThe Truman ShowThe Hunger GamesThe Hunger Games: Catching Fire)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (The Usual Suspects21 Jump StreetEscape PlanCaptain America: The First AvengerDawn of the Dead)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Pacific RimThe Long Kiss GoodnightDisaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Dodgeball: A True Underdog StoryAlong Came PollyAliensAlien Resurrection, Full Metal Jacket)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Patriot GamesThe Great GatsbyPitch BlackAlien)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30’s ironically define the 1930’s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (The ContractPride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Sum of All FearsThor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Midnight CowboyDark FuryAlien 3)

My score for Thor: 59.

This movie’s plot is of little interest to me as are most of its characters. Jane Foster is still annoying and the romance doesn’t feel real for me. This movie was made so that everyone knew who Thor was when The Avengers came out and that is the only reason.

*SPOILER ALERT* IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE SPOILED, STOP READING!!!

*SPOILER’S EDITION*

This movie has a few plot holes, but ones that I don’t care to waste my time talking about. However, there’s one in particular that is a must.

At the end of the movie, Thor breaks the rainbow bridge to stop the Frost Giants’ world from being destroyed and Odin awakes from his coma and is able to transport himself to the end of the bridge to catch Thor right as he and Loki are falling off. I’m sorry, perhaps I missed something, but how did Odin a) wake up at the precise moment that Thor and Loki fell off the rainbow bridge and b) manage to get all the way to the end of the bridge to catch Thor? He needed a horse to go through the portal to get to the Frost Giants’ planet, giving the illusion that he went across the rainbow bridge on horseback, meaning he cannot teleport or fly, or so it seems. Does he have that power and if he doesn’t then HOW THE HECK DID HE GET OVER THERE?!!!

 

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