Movie Review: Mad Max: Fury Road

I was never a fan of Mad Max. I’m a strong proponent of Mel Gibson’s acting career but these films… Mad Max was a one-page character at best and the story’s practically posthumous state is like a filer on skin it’s so irritating.

In my opinion, the title Mad Max incurs a thriller type film. Mad Max is not a thriller. Therefore, I’m unsure why we’re calling the films that or saying Max is a mad guy. It’s been a while since I saw the originals but to my recollection, little emotion was demonstrated and with anger, wrath and hatred being such strong emotions, if Max is truly mad, I shouldn’t have to ask myself where the ferocity is. It should be apparent.

Mad Max is not a great saga. It’s bearable if you’re really bored, which is how I ended up first watching the series actually but needs not be visited a second time. I’ve never seen a post-apocalyptic universe this boring and this far removed from themes. If the films had given me something to internally discuss, at least it would have bought them some time to figure out what it is they were trying to do but I never had that epiphany of mental discussion.

I wasn’t excited for this sequel. Yes, Tom Hardy should make everything better but it’s still Mad Max and Tom Hardy or no Tom Hardy, Mad Max is boring. Mel Gibson is a better actor than Tom Hardy and he couldn’t make it better. What could Hardy do that Gibson couldn’t?

The answer is nothing. Mad Max: Fury Road ended up to be the thoughtless, directionless, storyless venture I expected it to be.

There’s no rehashing of the previous stories. Fury Road is meant to stand alone but has only one leg to stand on.

Mad Max‘s characters are scraps. Some entertainment can be had because it’s a post-apocalyptic world built on rubbage but after a momentary chuckle, those scraps aren’t so funny anymore. They’re embarrassing.

That’s probably the best one-word sum up of Mad Max: Fury Road: embarrassing.

If you can be dazzled by the film’s above average stunt choreography and action sequences, you can find entertainment but that’s all that’s going on here. You can only throw boomsticks and shoot fire out of guitars while riding an armored vehicle with multiple bass stereos and a collection of drum thumpers on the back end for so long before even that begins to get old.

That’s probably the only excessively pleasant compliment you’re going to get out of me because there isn’t much else to applaud here. If Mad Max: Fury Road had half as much creativity as the musician with the flaming guitar…

It’s been quite a while since I started this and I usually write my whole review from start to finish in a few hours but this review kept getting pushed back for my job and internship and also because this film is so frustrating to talk about. There are some people, I kid you not, who are saying this will be the best action film of the year.

There is no story to Fury Road. They go from one end of the map to the other and go back the way they came when they find out there’s nothing on the other side. That’s it. Aside from one subplot that holds less weight than a newborn, we have nothing branching out from the trunk of the tree.

The characters are so bad and it sours me to know a great talent like Hardy is having such a rough start to 2015. Child 44 got bashed by critics heavily and this ain’t helping his cause. Arnold Schwarzenegger said less than 200 words in Terminator 2 if my memory serves me right and I think Hardy says even less than that here. If there was such a thing as putting a talented person in a lose-lose situation, this is a prime example. If Hardy were a squirrel, the script for this film would be like 10-foot cinder blocks surrounding him and being roofed by an elephant caught in the hole. If Hardy were a NASCAR driver, the script would be a car with four flat tires and an engine replaced with a punctured balloon. If Hardy was the best sniper in the world, the script would be asking him to headshot a guy on the moon. This movie is freaking stupid and I’m done talking about it. I’m just done.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog, I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.  

90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Avengers, The Babadook, Interstellar, Chappie)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Cable Guy, The Cabin in the Woods, Tears of the Sun, Edge of Tomorrow, The Amazing Spider-Man 2)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Sleeping with the Enemy, Equilibrium, Dead Snow: Red vs. Dead, Snowpiercer, The Family)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Black Sheep, Twisted, Parker, House at the End of the Street, The Raven)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (Blitz, The Punisher, Drive Hard, Run All Night, Rage)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Crank, Erased, I, Frankenstein, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30′s ironically define the 1930′s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (Centurion, Planet of the Apes, Stonados, Redemption, Pride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Colony, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, The Grey, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Thor: The Dark World)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Outcast, Sabotage, Gallowwalkers, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, Safe)

My score for Mad Max: Fury Road: 58.

I usually return from watching a film and pick a score before writing. Rarely does that score ever change from the one I initially put down but the more I thought about Fury Road and the more I wrote, the lower the score went. I had it at a 67 but have become more disgusted by it the more I think about it. Fury Road flew right over its story like an oblivious bird too dumb to look down at what it was passing over.

A desert that’s deserted and has no life in sight, stunts are all Mad Max: Fury Road has to offer. If you’re looking for mindless entertainment and are okay with paying ticket prices for it, then give it a shot. Otherwise, wait for a rental or better yet, a TV showing, although I’d suggest a third option, a movie where a director doesn’t make a first-class talent look like a paralyzed mime.

Movie Review: Black Hawk Down

I was scrolling through my blog yesterday and I realized something: I hadn’t written a review on a good film in a while. The last time I reviewed a film that scored in the 70’s or higher? The Red Dawn remake on August 13. Today is September 12. A month of cinematic incompetence? “No,” I said to myself. “I will not go a whole month without writing at least one movie review with a 70’s or higher score.”

To be truthful, I did re-watch volumes one and two of Kill Bill but I didn’t want to write a review on those just yet. I want to keep some of the classics around for later.

I have some films on the shelf that have yet to be opened that I’m anxious to open up and throw in but I felt like something else. Despite all the wrongs Netflix has committed against me (although I admit partial responsibility), I continue to go back to it. Among the top picks for me was Black Hawk Down.

I saw some of this on TV once but I never got to finish. Based off what I saw, I wanted to see the whole product.

There are a lot of faces I recognized in this film, such as Josh Hartnett and Ewen Bremner from Pearl Harbor and Ewan McGregor, Eric Bana and William Fichtner. Tom Sizemore from practically any war movie but especially Saving Private Ryan, nice to see you. A young Orlando Bloom and Tom Hardy were aboard for the ride I see and Jason Isaacs a.k.a. Lucius Malfoy. You can’t hide from me behind that Texas drawl!!! I WILL FIND HIM!!!

Alas, this film might have had a minor case of OBCLD. For those of you who didn’t read my Expendables 3 review, that means Over-Bloated Cast List Disease. Thankfully, these aren’t all big-name stars so this film isn’t neglected or blanketed by the opening credits and familiar faces. I’m just saying I noticed.

With that said, I was expecting some stuff with Black Hawk Down. I’m a heavy war movie addict. The brotherhood/camaraderie features, world dialogues and brutal realism get to me. They’re not always “fun”. Sometimes they make you hate people, despise the world and wonder why you’re still in it. Other times, it’s about showing not everything can be done the clean way. Somebody needs to get down in the trenches and dig out the mud. Should it happen? No, but it does and while we will never be able to attain the experiences of veterans, the least we can do, in my opinion, is seek out ways to empathize with them. Cinematic carnage gives us a chance.

Somalia’s a corrupt, anarchist state run by one general who gains followers by starving them out. That’s some dark stuff. I’m a history buff but I can’t say how precise director Ridley Scott’s visual novella is. Setting aside its historical truths or inaccuracies, Black Hawk Down is about leaving no one behind and putting others before yourself.

It’s admirable stuff that could have been done better. The OBCLD is partly to blame here but there are so many faces, so many parties involved that trying to remember where everyone is location-wise and personality-wise can become an arduous task. I don’t think I can call them subplots because they all interact with the main problem, which is thousands of Somalians with AK-47’s and happy trigger fingers. That rather large ripple in this film’s metaphorical pond is a stalwart try but the film’s time in the oven leaves the attempt well-done. The same can be said for the overall piece in my mind.

Aside from the empathy bid, there’s not a whole lot of character here despite the many at Scott’s disposal. At the end of the movie, Eversmann (Josh Hartnett), which is a play on names (every man), says that we all changed. The context is understood but I still found myself asking, “Did you though? Did you really?” Keep in mind I’m speaking of the character, not the conflict and those who actually served in it. There isn’t any time set aside for character drama. It’s a war zone, yet war films usually incorporate these reflective character sessions into the story. Saving Private Ryan had them. Braveheart had them. We Were Soldiers had them. The Patriot had them. Fury had them. Every memorable, exceptional war movie has them. Black Hawk Down does not.

Coming from the same guy that made Gladiator, I was surprised. Ridley Scott has made portraits fine, great and exceptional. Among his previous sculptures, I’d consider Black Hawk Down in the greats but with a stronger leading arm could have been exceptional.

The Academy graciously awarded Black Hawk Down two Oscars for Best Film Editing and Best Sound but I found the action to be rather tame compared to some of the other bloodshed I’ve observed. I’m not saying it needed to be mind-bending brutality but I think this could have gotten heavier, darker and more representative of the burdens our veterans carry. War is no light matter. Black Hawk Down concurs with the previous statement but for an R-rated film, it edited itself far below the ceiling an R-rating incites. If you want to make a conflicted film all ages above 18 can enjoy, this is probably the way to do it without turning anyone off to the material. However, sometimes it is the things that spur debate that are the greatest, like Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech for example. If you let public opinion object your creativity, you’re doing yourself an injustice. People don’t know revolutionary until you put it in front of them.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog, I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.  

90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Guardians of the Galaxy, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Transformers: Age of Extinction, Jack Reacher, Godzilla)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (Tears of the Sun, Edge of Tomorrow, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Young Guns, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too.(Red Dawn(2012), Maleficent, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Transporter 2, Battle: Los Angeles)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Rubber, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The Transporter, Speed)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (The Expendable 3, Homefront, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, Vantage Point, The Starving Games)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Billy Madison, A Haunted House, 300: Rise of an Empire, Cowboys and Aliens)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30′s ironically define the 1930′s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (Centurion, Planet of the Apes, Stonados, Redemption, Pride and Prejudice)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (The Grey, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Thor: The Dark World, The Sum of All Fears)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Gallowwalkers, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, Safe, Watchmen, Clash of the Titans)

My score for Black Hawk Down: 77.

The story had a lot of potential but the normal cuts and jabs we expect from Scott don’t show up in Black Hawk Down. I’m not sure if it’s on Ken Nolan and the screenplay, book author Mark Bowden or on Ridley himself but this had more buzz and certainly more talent to be explored. I’m sure I’ll find my way back to this for another viewing but in no way does this even attempt to make the climb to war movie classics.