Movie Review: Transporter 2

The sequel to The Transporter, Jason Statham returns as Frank Martin in Transporter 2. An easy job chauffeuring a kid to school, Martin’s doing the quiet and easy. He’s staying out of trouble and staying low for a bit because his last escapade gave him a run for his money. However, he’s still Frank Martin and you know trouble is bound to knock on his car window sooner or later.

As I highlighted yesterday, The Transporter wasn’t a bad movie but it forced limitations on itself by overreaching its creative boundaries with a story that was more complex than it needed to be.

Transporter 2 is very similar. Statham still has loads of fun with his action scenes and I feel there is some more development for Martin, although that isn’t a major factor in this film. It’s still a movie filmed in the 2000’s that desperately wants to be set in the 80’s when audiences didn’t care all that much about the characters or any sort of conducive story. It was all about the fun, the smirks and the occasional gasp.

That’s all Transporter 2 is trying to do. It knows its precipice isn’t that high but it knows what it is and isn’t going to try to be something it’s not. It’s going to direct according to the action hero playbook, step by step and that’s that.

Personally, taking the path of those before you is the easy way out and doesn’t ride well with me. However, as I mentioned with The Transporter, you could tell the screenwriters tried to add some flavor to it so the dish didn’t taste so bland. It’s kinda like going to a new restaurant and ordering chicken noodle soup. No one does that because we already know what we’re getting. Chicken noodle soup is something you eat at home. When I watch a movie, I don’t want chicken noodle soup, you get it? I’d like a grilled salmon with fried mangoes and pineapples on top or a pair of pork chops marinated in a barbecue sauce. Exotic and tasty, not something I can whip up in a microwave, capisce?

Statham gives us the stern faces, the choreographed fight scenes are always a good bite and the plot line should not be expected to be overly complicated although the original came very close to falling into that sand trap.

Transporter 2 has its own perils, such as getting a little too ballistic with its action sequences. A blast to view, realism is thrown out the door on more than a few occasions. Still fun but you can tell the laws of physics and normal stunt choreography were left at the door. There’s one scene in particular involving a fire hose. It’s an entrancing series of shots but what?

Let me put it to you this way: Transporter 2 makes errors where plenty of action movies do. They put something on the screen that’s just a little too preposterous for even the irrational action diehard who will more often than not give the film the benefit of the doubt. It has scenes where even these guys are like, “Uhh, no. Just no.” At the very least, we can say the men behind the pen had a clever idea so it doesn’t deserve too harsh a punishment but when the genre’s most loyal fans are calling you out on stuff, you know you tipped the kettle a little too far. There were two specific sequences of terrible CGI, which I was surprised by because given all the competency beforehand.

As I said above, acting isn’t this film’s strongest play but at the very least it had a more prominent villain who reminds us there is someone else in this film aside from Jason and the Frenchman. I like Statham as much as his most loyal fans but if we’re watching a movie with a conflict, I’d like it if the conflict had two faces, one for each side of the coin.

Once again, if you’re new to my blog,  I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.

 90-100  It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Transformers: Age of Extinction, Jack Reacher, Godzilla, Secretariat, Prisoners)

80-89   It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (Tears of the Sun, Edge of Tomorrow, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Young Guns, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2)

70-79   It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too.(Battle: Los Angeles, Skyfall, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, 300, Flyboys)

60-69   It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (The Transporter, Speed, Godzilla(1998), The Incredible Hulk, Disaster Movie)

50-59   This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (The Starving Games, You’re Next, Thor, Full Metal Jacket, Alien Resurrection)

40-49   This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (Billy Madison, A Haunted House, 300: Rise of an Empire, Cowboys and Aliens, Serendipity)

30-39   Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30′s ironically define the 1930′s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (Planet of the Apes, Stonados, Redemption, Pride and Prejudice, The Contract)

20-29   What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (X-Men: Days of Future Past, Thor: The Dark World, The Sum of All Fears)

0-19      Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (A Haunted House 2, Open Grave, Alien 3, Dark Fury, Midnight Cowboy)

My score for Transporter 2: 70.

It fails to reach the peak of its potential but Transporter 2 learns from the mistakes of the original and convinces audiences that there is more to be had in this series, especially Statham roundhouse kicks and car chases.