I would like to once again apologize for not posting anything but I shouldn’t be doing any blog maintenance now for a long, long time. So, to show my true and sincere apologies, I subjected myself to a Keanu Reeves movie. THE HORROR!!!
Reeves is just so bad in everything I ever see him in, but I sadly have to admit something. For the first time since the beginning of time, an unforeseen spectacle occurred in 1994 when Speed hit theaters: Keanu Reeves actually acted for once.
It hurts me to say it. Writing those words and having to admit that I said them causes me to feel rather nauseous. Keanu Reeves’ stoic face and robotic personality manages to manufacture an adequate characterization here of police officer Jack Traven that somehow, some way, maintains interest in audiences. I don’t know what happened here. Did Reeves meet with a god-like master with the wish that he/she would teach him the ways of the Ak-tor? Did he have some sort of epiphany that gave him some new, unlimited motivation? Like I said, I don’t know what happened here but good for you, Keanu.
At the same time, Jack Traven isn’t an original character but that’s poor character writing, not acting. He’s just another stereotype in a long list of stereotypical characters that everyone has seen too many times. I don’t hate the guy but I don’t really feel a bond with the character, a bond of connection and genuine concern. He’s still entertaining, (can’t believe I’m talking about Keanu Reeves) he’s just not a stellar character.
Sandra Bullock plays our supporting actress alongside Reeves and you can tell there’s either a lack of script or this is really early in these two’s careers because again, not getting any creativity or uniqueness from this character. Is it the script, is it the actors? I don’t know but what I do know is that there’s a plate on the table and instead of getting a savory Filet Mignon from Longhorn Steakhouse, I somehow wound up with a grilled chicken sandwich. It’s not bad, it’s just not enthusiastic or overly satisfying for my wanting appetite. I want more and I’m not getting more than contentment on my plate with no spices, caviar or dessert treats.
So we got poor script writing holding this film back and then we have Dennis Hopper as our main villain. He’s not scary. He doesn’t show any extreme psychopathic traits or hostile demeanor. He’s simply not memorable or worthy of as much screen time as he gets here. I’m sorry but you’re just not cutting it, man. Hopper is just a boring villain here. His emotions seem forced which takes away from the overall product and me trying to insert myself into the film.
Finally, we have plot holes and a lot of them, holes that could easily have been navigated around with some simple steering wheel manipulation and decent eyesight. They’re dumb and could have been easily removed with some basic editing but thankfully don’t interfere with my entertainment for the most part, though it does hurt the film’s overall score. Edit your work, people!
Once again, if you’re new to my blog, I’ve always ranked movies on a scale of 0-100 (I don’t know why, I just always have). Here’s the grading scale.
90-100 It’s a great movie and definitely one worth buying. (Godzilla, Secretariat, Prisoners, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Captain America: The Winter Soldier)
80-89 It was a pretty good movie and definitely one worth seeing, but it doesn’t quite scratch my top ten percentile. (The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Young Guns, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, Spider-Man 3, Divergent)
70-79 It’s okay but I’ve seen better. It has its moments, but it has its flaws, too. (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, 300, Flyboys, Dawn of the Dead, Captain America: The First Avenger)
60-69 It’s got plenty wrong with it but I still got enjoyment out of this one. (Godzilla(1998), The Incredible Hulk, Disaster Movie, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, The Long Kiss Goodnight)
50-59 This movie isn’t intolerable but it’s not blowing my mind either. I’m trying really hard to get some sort of enjoyment out of this. (The Starving Games, You’re Next, Thor, Full Metal Jacket, Alien Resurrection)
40-49 This movie is just mediocre. It’s not doing anything other than the bare minimal, so morbidly boring that sometimes I’m actually angry I watched this. (A Haunted House, 300: Rise of an Empire, Cowboys and Aliens, Serendipity, Alien)
30-39 Definitely worse than mediocre, the 30′s ironically define the 1930′s, full of depression, lack of accomplishments, poverty and just so dumb. (Redemption, Pride and Prejudice, The Contract )
20-29 What did I just watch? Cliches, stupidity, nothingness, did I mention stupidity? Just…wow. (Thor: The Dark World, The Sum of All Fears)
0-19 Watching this movie resulted in one or more of the following: seizure, loss of brain cells, falling asleep/unconsciousness, feel you wasted your time/day, accomplished nothing for you, left the movie knowing less about it then you did going into it, constantly asking yourself why you came to see this movie, or near-death experience. In short, staring at a wall was just as entertaining as watching this movie. This movie deserved a sticker or a label that said, “WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNT OF SUCKAGE.” (Open Grave, Alien 3, Dark Fury, Midnight Cowboy)
My score for Speed: 64.
Speed may feature a bus full of plot holes but it’s still entertaining, especially since we don’t have any of this or this. That second clip looks so bad I think I actually want to watch that now. Anyway, Speed may feature one of Keanu Reeves’ best roles but the duo of him and Bullock still leave much to be desired and that’s without adding the disappointing Hopper. I was getting bored near the end because this film didn’t know when to end.
*SPOILER ALERT* IF YOU DON’T WANT THE MOVIE SPOILED, STOP READING!!!
*SPOILER’S EDITION*
In reality, this movie would have ended about 20 times had it not been for the insistence on extending this movie past its welcome. Among the plenty of plot holes:
Why doesn’t Jack shoot the tires of the bus before it reaches 50 mph? If the bus never reaches 50 mph then the bomb can’t be set and no one dies.
The bus smashes through signs and the sides of cars early on. Clearly not going 50 mph during all that.
Captain McMahon directs Traven to take a freeway only to find out later it’s not finished. Why did no one on the force know this freeway wasn’t finished? Not one person had a friend working on this project or watches the news?
The bus does not make that 50 ft jump. Rationale: the laws of physics!!!
When the bus enters the airport, the tires are punctured by a spike strip set up by security and then proceeds to drive on them for the next 20 minutes. That does not happen!!!
Our villain, Payne, doesn’t ask for the ransom money until Traven has kept the bus alive for more than an hour. How does that work exactly? What if Traven hadn’t kept those people alive? What’s the backup plan here? Just keep rigging up buses until someone succeeds? Didn’t think this out very well.
Payne is furious when his money gets destroyed in the subway car so he climbs on the roof to fight Traven, throwing right hooks while still clutching the detonator to the bomb in that same hand. Don’t think that would work. Sounds like a sure explosion to me.
wordsofwistim 