Tag Archives: worst movies of 2014

Movies in 2014

This has been a long time coming. Should have posted this like two months ago. Nonetheless, here’s a belated issue of my awards for the best films of 2014. As always, there are some films I didn’t get to see this year and there are others I got to see but did not review. Among the notable ones I did not see as of this writing: Interstellar, Birdman, Foxcatcher, Boyhood, The Imitation Game, Selma, Nightcrawler, The Drop and American Sniper.

Best Picture and 4 Runner-Ups

Last year’s winners: 1) 42 2) Iron Man 3 3) Olympus Has Fallen 4) World War Z 5) Star Trek: Into Darkness

This year’s winners:

5) Godzilla

Looking back, I gave this film far more credit than it deserved. With that said, Godzilla was still about what I was expecting. Gareth Edwards directed some suspense and some of the best visual effects of the year with the CGI monster god and his radioactive foes. Yes, Elizabeth Olsen and Kick-Ass‘s Aaron Taylor-Johnson didn’t excel in their roles. Yes, Godzilla had like 20 minutes of screen time in his own movie and yes, Bryan Cranston was removed far too early, but despite all of that, it was still awesome. Godzilla still got to roar in the camera and I still got to live in the moments of my childhood, back when Godzilla was cool, before this mistake.

“While the pressure for this film to succeed seemed infinite, a successful American Godzilla movie has finally been made. Godzilla may not be perfect, but it’s a huge improvement from the memories of the past and is definitely a must-see and must-buy on its way to becoming one of the biggest box office hits of the summer.”

-excerpt from my review

4) Transformers: Age of Extinction

Nothing I can say will convince anyone that this should be on this list and it probably shouldn’t be. I’m a huge fan of Michael Bay and his exaggerated explosions and even those his stories seem to get more predictable each year and the acting seems to get worse for each sequel, the same adrenaline-filled explosions, racist stereotypes and digital imagery continues to be displayed and as long as it does, I’ll still love these movies because the child inside of me refuses to hate them.

“An astoundingly fortified film, Transformers: Age of Extinction manages to thrill audiences with a new assortment of personalities both human and alien along with some more special effects from the boom master himself. If you walk out of the theater disappointed after Transformers: Age of Extinction, it’s probably your own fault because you should have known what you were getting going in.”

-excerpt from my review

 

3) The Judge

David Dobkin’s The Judge provided one of the year’s best pure dramas. The conflicting characters of Robert Downey, Jr. and Robert Duvall created the family tension that many of today’s Americans find so easily relatable. Vera Farmiga played a solid supporting role and that, coupled with some surprising plot diversions and adamant subplots, made The Judge a worthwhile travel into a small family town.

Didn’t get to write a review on this one, but I will next time I see it. Robert Downey, Jr. showed he’s not typecasted and does hold some characters not named Tony Stark inside them.

 

 

2) Guardians of the Galaxy 

The Chris Pratt-led gang of intergalactic convicts blew the box office out of the water, making just short of $775 million. Dave Bautista showed some acting prowess and the cast’s comedic timing was great all the way through and the script was on point the entire time. Also carrying one of the best film soundtracks in recent memory, the Guardians of the Galaxy had some solid visual effects. A firm lesson about letting life evolve around you and some more musical numbers, Guardians of the Galaxy, dare I say it, may have been better than The Avengers.

“As a kid and an adult, many of our dreams will involve watching superhero epics and this film is that dream. I doubt this film will be beaten by any film this year in the box office or by my scoring. Dare I say, this may have been better than The Avengers?”

-excerpt from my review

 

1) Gone Girl

The ceiling can’t hold us (Macklemore reference), or at least that’s what the cast and crew of Gone Girl must have said when viewing their finished product. David Fincher once again solidified his pristine resume and bolstered his cinematic reputation with this year’s best film. Granted, I missed some of the best picture nominations as you can see above, but based off of what I’ve seen, Gone Girl led the pack in 2014. An award-worthy script and acting duo, coupled with Fincher’s detail-oriented mind, made a suspense thriller not only memorable, but engraved in some of our minds forever.

“David Fichter’s latest venture Gone Girl should expect a few Oscars at this year’s ceremony and Gillian Flynn should expect to sell a few million more copies of her book because with two great leads and great direction, Gone Girl is bound to be one of the greatest films of 2014.”

-excerpt from my review

 

Worst Picture and 4 Runner-Ups

Last year’s winners: 1) Thor: The Dark World 2) The Great Gatsby 3) Oz The Great and Powerful 4) After Earth 5) G.I. Joe: Retaliation

5) I, Frankenstein

I wanted to see this all year. I knew it was going to be bad-really bad-like so bad that bad doesn’t even quantify the product’s lack of achievements but I still wanted to see it. It was a bust by far. Far too much exposition and explaining and not enough pushing forward with the screenplay, I, Frankenstein stalled in the middle of the hill and slowly fell down so that by the time it started to hit the gas a little, it was far too late.

“A thoughtless venture, which I suppose is ironic considering the subject matter, I, Frankenstein is bad but not degenerative. The action starves and the plot is moot, but I still got a little fun out of this, bumping it from the low 40’s.”

-excerpt from my review

 

 

4) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Michael Bay might have produced it but it was a loud thud on the brains of Turtle fandom. This film was yet another failed attempt to revitalize one of the better comic book series and so Leonardo, Donatello, Michaelangelo and Raphael will have to wait some more before their material is served justice and their fans luxury.

“Perhaps doomed from the start, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is too predictable, ineffective and inefficient to be entertaining let alone bearable. Turtle fans will have to lay in endless restlessness for a while longer before they are content, or preferably, satisfied. Despite all this, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will probably make a decent chunk of change from box office revenue because of the young folk that don’t know a good movie from a bad one, which could sprout a sequel, and make all of true Turtle fandom curse the Hollywood gods.”

-excerpt from my review

3) X-Men: Days of Future Past

I’m almost positive I was in the minority with this one, but I hated this with a burning passion that would rival the embers of Mount Doom. Not only has Bryan Singer become one of my least favorite directors of all-time, the film also loved to just erase all previous storylines as if the mistakes of the X-Men franchise could just be unwritten by a time-traveling ordeal. The characters are so easy to hate due to the irrational decisions they seem incapable of avoiding. The best scene in the film hands-down was when Quicksilver demonstrated his awesomeness but the X-Men decided not to take him on the rest of the film’s journey because apparently doing it the hard way is the X-Men way. Let’s forget about the fact that Quicksilver could prevent any bullet Mystique tried to fire from hitting Trask or anyone else for that matter and could end any stalemate in milliseconds, but whatever, we’ve gotten Wolverine practicing his English over here and James McAvoy massaging his temple. Let’s film that instead.

“Similar to The Amazing Spider-Man 2, X-Men: Days of Future Past promised fans an action feature and instead gave fans something entirely different. While The Amazing Spider-Man 2 gave us an enthralling romance, X-Men: Days of Future Past gave us boring dialogue, an overly complicated plot and lightweight characters to make audiences care far less for an X-Men film than previously thought humanly possible.”

-excerpt from my review

2) A Haunted House 2

Fun story: So my brother and I were going to see this because the trailer made me howl like a hyena multiple times. We got all the way there and my brother forgot his I.D so they wouldn’t let him in, ergo I didn’t get to see it  with him because he decided to be stupid that day. However, I should have seen it as a sign from God, not my brother’s stupidity because this movie was reprehensible. Far too much stand-up comedy routines that weren’t funny and contained offensive humor. I love offensive humor, but this film took it to a crypt I was not willing to travel to.

“Somehow not the worst film of 2014 (that distinction belongs to Open Grave), A Haunted House 2 is still one of the worst sequels I’ve ever seen as well as one of the most tasteless “comedies” I’ve ever seen. The sad thing is that Marlon Wayans somehow has a net worth of 15 million dollars for making disheveled sewage like this.”

-excerpt from my review

 

1) Open Grave

This movie is terrible. Really don’t want to talk about it anymore than I need to.

“This movie is like a giant unopened Christmas present and you unwrap all the paper and scramble through all the unnecessary tissue paper looking for your present and after looking through it for five minutes you come to the realization that there is no present. Open Grave is dreadful, atrocious, deplorable and every other synonym for terrible you can find. No one involved with this visual representation knows what is going on and the fact that this is even categorized as a movie disgusts me. I know some YouTube filmmakers who make better movies than this. This movie needs to be buried because no one wants to see this. (see what I did there?) It is a huge waste of time and if you know what’s good for your well-being, you won’t see it.”

-excerpt from my review

Best Actor 

Last year’s winner: Chadwick Boseman- Jackie Robinson, 42

Robert Downey Jr, The Judge

Worst Actor

Last year’s winner: James Franco- Oz, Oz The Great and Powerful

Sharlto Copley, Open Grave, Maleficent

Best Actress

Last year’s winner: No one.

Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl

Worst Actress

Last year’s winner: Natalie Portman- Jane Foster, Thor: The Dark World

Megan Fox, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Best Director

Last year’s winner: J.J. Abrams, Star Trek: Into Darkness

David Fincher, Gone Girl

Best Special Effects

Last year’s winner: Man of Steel

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Best Screenplay

Last year’s winner: None, new category!

Gone Girl

Best Score

Last year’s winner: Man of Steel

Guardians of the Galaxy

I apologize this is so late and underwritten. Looking forward to the new year even though it’s already two months in, lol.

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