Life is full of it. No matter what you do, you’ll have it.
It will track you down like a lion tracks a gazelle, grass brushing against its fur, paws clumping in the mud right before the pounce.
In the blink of an eye, you’re down. You don’t even know what happened.
Where did it all go wrong? How did it come to this?
It’ll tear into you, it’ll cut you and you’ll bleed.
You’ll bleed a lot.
You won’t remember the last time you were in this much pain and anguish.
You’ll get angry. The fires of rage will encompass your soul as you curse the person, people or the decision that has done this to you.
For days you’ll rage, smash your whole being against the cage you find yourself entrapped in.
You will pound on those bars until your skin is raw and the blood has dried, until your bones are numb and your muscles tense.
You will tighten yourself, hide who you are, how you feel, what you did.
You will cloud yourself with hate. You will silently curse the person you once cared for, ask for their damnation.
You have no remorse, no solace to retreat to and no love in you.
For days you have lost part of yourself and are half if not less of your former self.
Part of you has entered a coma and your other half hates that half for ever opening up, for ever considering making the decision you made.
It loathes that half. It detests it. It condemns it.
It never wants to be whole again. Neither do you.
After these crucial days, you begin to realize what they did to you and what you did to yourself.
That’s when it first hits.
That’s when you realize the hammer came down.
That’s when you know you didn’t do enough or you did nothing at all.
Opportunity walked up to you and smirked and briskly walked away before you could even notice.
It came right under your nose and you didn’t do a damn thing about it.
You remained frozen like a philosopher, overflowing with “what ifs” instead of opening your eyes.
You allowed Doubt and Fear to handle the joystick.
You didn’t even put up a fight to stop them.
Or perhaps you have regret for something you did. Or for someone.
You should have never said those things you said.
You should have never devoted yourself to someone who not once devoted themselves to you.
Someone who not once reached out first, who not once showed they cared.
You remain isolated like a lost soldier in the snow.
Don’t know what to stand for, what to fight for, what to live for.
You learn from your mistakes but continue wondering how you ever made them.
Continue to ponder if you’ll ever get a chance to start over.
The burden of not knowing if you’ll get the chance weighs down on you like a monsoon.
Drenched, weathered and cold.
Your will is tattered and your soul is battered, but you got to keep going.
You got to push yourself. You got to believe.
Your compass can waiver but it must not fail.
You must give your family and friends an ideal to strive towards.
You must set the example. You must set the bar.
Not just for others but for yourself.
Push the limits. Demonstrate resolve.
Be better. Try harder.
Strive to be a better you each day.
Regret will always persist. It will never leave. The only choice we have is what we do now.